Coach's Corner

Have you ever been faced with a situation that tears you up inside? Everything else in live becomes very small compared to this one situation, a situation which boils down to one question, one answer, one decision. If you feel like your life, your mind, your health has been taken over by the inability to decide it’s time to make a change!

THE IMPORTANCE OF LETTING GO Everyone has something that they carry with them as they go on living their lives. It is often referred to as “baggage”. Baggage is what remains from the past. The past can be something as far back as our childhood or it can be as close as yesterday. “In our present we are continually creating tomorrows’ past.” Baggage can take any shape or form. Realization of the effects of your own personal baggage may strike at any time or not at all. Your past may, in some way, shape or form, prevent you from moving forward in your life and accomplishing your goals. Baggage is not necessarily something bad. An experience, a memory, a thought, an emotion; It is how an individual chooses to deal with what their baggage that is reflected in their daily lives. Only you are responsible for you. Only you can deal with the baggage you’ve acquired through your life. Ask for help, seek some outside guidance. When needed, it is the role of a Life Coach to help you sort where the contents of your past fit in your present life, to guide you in determining what you want to keep as baggage and what is best to let go. In an ideal world all people would be happy and peaceful all the time without ever having experienced anything negative. Nothing would bother them. They would grow and prosper and everything they ever hoped to achieve would come their way. That would be great! Think of how amazing that would be if every individual were that happy! That is your possibility. Bad things do happen. We don’t live in a bubble. People or things rub us the wrong way, catastrophes happen every day. “We can take control of what shapes us, how we choose to live our lives.” Be aware of the control you possess over your life and your happiness. Be aware of your thoughts, your emotions, your actions and reactions. Bring into your consciousness how what you are doing is effecting your life, your mood. How are you holding yourself? What is your posture like? Do you make eye contact with other people? Are you smiling? Have you taken the time to say thank you? How often do you do the things you enjoy? What do you enjoy? I’ll leave you here to reflect on those questions  Until next time, Take care of you, Deanna

The Art of Celebrating For some it’s all about “Go big or go home!” for others it’s more intimate and personal. There are many reasons to celebrate; birthdays, holidays, graduating, personal milestones, the list is endless. Whatever the reason is that you are celebrating it is tremendously important that you do just that – celebrate! If something has happened in your life that you are proud of, that has made you feel good, celebrate it. Shout it from the roof tops, throw a party, go dancing, sing at the top of your lungs, call all your friends and family, treat yourself to dinner or quietly enjoy the moment by smiling and reminiscing about the journey you took to get there. However you choose to acknowledge the moment – do it! Do not let it pass. Celebration is key to achieving and maintaining your goals and moving forward from that point on. It is important to recognize your success. When you feel good about something you are more apt to do it again – am I right? When you really embrace that feeling it will propel you forward and give you confidence to tackle the next goal. Reasons for celebrating are not always out in the open for everyone to see or we may not be the sole owner of that moment. The good news is there does not exist a “rule” that says you cannot share feelings of pride, accomplishment and success. You, by virtue of being you, played a role in an event that brought success. Own the pleasure of it. Smile and feel the warmth building inside and celebrate you! Myself, I do just that. When my son completed his final exam for high school I was overjoyed! He succeeded…and I helped him get there! I celebrated not only for him but for me as well. It was a long journey of doctor visits, IEPs, evaluations and advocating that had resulted in a high school diploma and several college applications! Yahooooo! We did it together. Why are you celebrating? Let's chat soon! Until then, take care of you! Deanna 

I JUST WANT TO BE UNDERSTOOD I recently read a post in a parent group that began with "I just want be be understood" . It was written by a Mom who was frustrated and exhausted at going to doctors offices and hospitals and community centres, etc. etc. and being judged for ....parenting the way she needed to parent. I'm curious how many of us have sat in waiting rooms and have had all eyes on us. Other parents, staff members, even other children stare and make comments about either our children's behaviour or what we, as parents, are or are not doing about it. I am going to hazard a guess that most if not all of the parents reading this have felt that judgement. To say it is not a nice feeling is often an understatement. Eventually we develop skills to block it out and ignore those judging stares and comments however not before they wreak havoc on our mental , physical and emotional wellbeing. Just recalling those time turns my stomach. For those of you that may not have experienced this sense of what I can only equate to bullying may be thinking 'who cares what everyone else thinks it's what you think that matters' . You might also think that once we pass through the waiting room to the professionals we are seeking that bullying stops. It does not. Not always anyway. The unfortunate norm is to make it through the waiting room of tension while others talk about you and your children in hushed voices (or sometimes to your face) to get to a professional that tells you you are the cause of all your child's problems, you're a bad parent, you are wrong about what you see in your child, that you shouldn't question their knowledge...EVERY visit can be a fight, a struggle to be heard and understood. There are some wonderful professionals (doctors, psychologists, social workers, nurses etc.) out there who put 100% of themselves into being compassionate and understanding. They work within and sometimes step out of the parameters of what they are permitted to do to help. They are golden! They are also very few and far in between. The post I read went on to describe an ideal centre where we can access professionals in an environment that is welcoming, inclusive and understanding. The author compared their vision to that of a cancer treatment centre where everyone there "gets it" . Whatever stage you are at in your cancer journey when you walk through those doors you are understood. What would it be like to walk into a treatment space created just for our children? The children whose needs are not always visible or yet understood. A space where as parents we are not judged or ridiculed, where we don't have to enter the doors ready for battle, holding our shields of protection over ourselves and our children. A space where parents can look across the room and see empathy and understanding. A space where we can look across the waiting room or the inner offices and know that when we meet another persons eyes, they "get it". The isolation and loneliness that our community of parents feel is real. Is not in your head! Know that you are NOT alone. Until we are able to create that vision please reach out to those of us who "get it" . We are your tribe, where you belong. Start a conversation, send me a message and let me know your thoughts ! Until then, Take care of you! Deanna p.s. As a result of working with me individuals, teams, and organizations leverage their strengths, hone their skills and optimize their performance by conquering their limiting beliefs, increasing self-confidence and determination. They learn strategies that target vision, authenticity and resiliency, to create actionable realistic next steps toward whatever success is for them. Do you know anyone that benefit from this? Let’s chat. https://www.deannariedke.com/contact

As primary care providers, either as: parents/caregivers, frontline service providers, medical or mental health professionals, we often lead with our hearts. UNTIL the decision we are faced with involves us personally. Then the mind chimes in. Too frequently with doubts and limiting beliefs. Learning to care for ourselves with the same amount of confidence and gusto that we give our person is a skill that requires nurturing.

LET'S TALK STRESS, BABY! A few years back (longer than I care to admit!) my daughter said something to me which really hit home. She said "Mom, sometimes it takes you so long to respond to me. I understand if you're texting but in person it takes you a long time!" Well there it was staring me right in the face. The consequence of not learning how to take care of myself sooner than I had. So I told my daughter what I had now known for some time; I told her that the reason I take so long to answer "is a result of having been under too much stress for too long, kind of like brain damage." Of course I then had to explain that everyone who experiences stress is not going to have the same side effects that I have. I went on to explain that stress in moderate amounts is actually 1. very normal and 2. good for us. It keeps us on our toes! The bursts of cortisol we receive when we have a surge of adrenalin is good for our brains. It keeps things pumping so to speak. In my case however, I wasn't talking about regular amounts of stress. I was referring to chronic stress. The kind of stress that has you in the heightened state of 'fight or flight' day in and day out for days, weeks or as in my case years on end. The "cause" of my stress is a story for another day but I will give you this. I have two sons in addition to my daughter, and my oldest has several diagnosis which include Tourette Syndrome, Aspergers Syndrome, OCD, Learning Disabilities, and PANDAS. I have learned more than I ever wanted to know, I have dealt with, witnessed and experienced so many things as a result of these disorders. In the end I suffered. Having a longer than usual response time during some conversations allows my mind to not only process the information being received, but to recall the words that I want to use in my response. It is one of the few lingering effects of living under chronic stress. Some other things that people may experience are: fatigue, digestive problems, headaches or migraines, pain not otherwise associated with anything, brain fog, irritability, depression, anxiety, sleep disturbances or insomnia. I'm sure the list could go on and on! I have been aware of my own condition for some years now and have put into place some simple everyday strategies that have helped me to "manage" my stress. Of course the ideal thing to do would be to get rid of the source of your stress. Avoid contact and cut off all ties to everything that doesn't promote a sense of tranquillity. Not. It is not always possible to completely detach yourself from a stressful situation. Especially if you are like me and the root source of your stress is attached to someone you love. In that case you must make other changes. Here are a few things that have helped me over the years: Diet I know that people are always harping on us about nutrition and eating right. Well there is a reason for that...they're right! you need to take care of yourself from the inside out. Eating does or can provide a calming effect which is why there are so many emotional eaters. The problem is the effect is very temporary. The long term effect is that if you are eating a lot of junk or processed foods you will actually feel worse. When you find yourself reaching for a snack, make a healthy choice. It may not be easy but you will feel better as a result. Sleep Chances are that when you are under a great deal of stress you are not sleeping properly. Not having an adequate amount of sleep every night may lead to some more significant health problems down the line. Develop a bedtime routine that promotes calmness before you try to sleep. The best time for you to be thinking is during the day. Try writing down all your thoughts to get them out of your head before sleep. Your list of things to worry about will still be there in the morning. Exercise I have found that exercise clears the mind. You don`t have to “workout” to get exercise just do something physical every day. When my children were young I couldn`t always get out of the house to go to a gym or to the pool so I had to be creative. I fit in quick walks (5 min. or less), I did the stairs in my house a few times in a row and ultimately I even found cleaning to be a good stress reliever. Don`t get me wrong it isn`t my favorite thing to do but your body is in motion. Instead of thinking about what is stressing you out focus on what you are doing in that moment while your body is in motion. Quiet Do you remember the phrase “Silence is golden.”? Well it truly is. Take some regular quiet time for yourself. By regular I mean daily and depending on your stress level perhaps several times a day. Quiet allows the mind to catch up with itself to process what is going on around you. I had to be creative as far as quiet time was concerned as well because at my house the only time it was quiet was when everyone was asleep and my oldest didn’t sleep the night through until he was 7 or 8! So my version of quiet was to lock myself in the bathroom and turn on the exhaust fan. (OK so it wasn’t quiet per say but it drowned out all the other noise.) I would the close my eyes and just be. You would be amazed at what five minutes of “quiet time” will do for you! Passion Do something you love to do, something that is only for you. This can be as simple as listening to your favorite song or reading a good book or it could be going to the movies with friends or taking a fun class. The key here is to ensure that you do something every day that you enjoy! My guess is that this is nothing new right? You must have heard this advice several times already from multiple sources. You may have even paid attention for a while. The most crucial part in “managing” your stress is to pay attention to yourself on a daily consistent basis. The strategies listed above are simple. They are not the answer to getting control of your life but it is a start. As for me, I have come a long way since implementing those first steps and my conversation with my daughter served to remind me that I must always take care of myself first so I can be there for the people I love most. So until next time, Take care of you, Deanna p.s.  As a result of working with me individuals, teams, and organizations leverage their strengths, hone their skills and optimize their performance by conquering their limiting beliefs, increasing self-confidence and determination. They learn strategies that target vision, authenticity and resiliency, to create actionable realistic next steps toward whatever success is for them. Do you know anyone that benefit from this? Let’s chat. https://www.deannariedke.com/contact